Last Day in the Office?

Well, given the FUBAR work situation, this is potentially my last day in the office. I have many thoughts running through my head at this point but the biggest thought right now is how to get accustomed to a new way of living. That may seem a bit drastic but think about, for the last 7 or so months, I've been accustomed to a high quality of life...I've had a steady job, a steady paycheck, a schedule and a career (or so I thought.) Now, I'm faced with uncertainty, finding a source of income, possibly endless days of unproductivity and the arduous task of searching for a new career. Granted, days of unproductivity rest solely on my decision whether or not to attack the world with vigor and agressiveness, but still, there are bound to be at least one or 2 days of blah. I'm not defeated, per se because it is a bit of an exciting time in terms of finding a new job but part of me also wants to curl up in a ball and lick my wounds. No more shrugging off grocery shopping because I can always buy lunch, no more random trips to Payless to buy cute shoes, and most importantly, no more spur of the moment trips to visit friends because hey, I can afford it, I have a job. I'm going to have to hunker down to conserve my hard earned bucks considering I have car payments, loan payments and rent, not to mention those annoying little fees for every damn thing you can think of.

It should be an interesting time. I do appreciate everyone's comiseration and/or advice regarding my next move. Yes, I know networking will be a priority...yes, I know I have a lot of options...yes, I'm glad your friend of a friend's boyfriend's daughter has a butcher shop...you get the idea. But really, its Fridays like this while I'm finishing up projects and passing things on to my soon to be swamped co-workers that I get a little sad and think: Dear God, what have I done wrong?

Glad Handing Dictators

On a different note, what is the deal with Hollywood stars befriending ruthless dictators? I just read an article that said that Kevin Spacey recently had dinner and a 3 hour conversation with Hugo Chavez of Venezuela. Hugo effin Chavez, the dictator, Castro's protege, all around anti-American asshole. Yes, that Hugo Chavez. They had dinner??! It was probably a Hannibal Lector-type dinner where they were eating body parts of freedom fighting Venezualan citizens. Kevin Spacey, I'd check your poo for fingers and toes this evening. Mr. Spacey now joins Sean Penn on the include Chavez on the Christmas card list. This type of behavior is, as Jay Nordlinger points out, "a sickness in our culture — a sickness that causes our glitterati to bend the knee to the worst dictators and tyrants, as long as they’re left-wing...a grotesque and frustrating phenomena." Hear, hear.

The Art of Choking

So early this AM, the US Women's Soccer team lost to Brazil, 4-0. I was/am in shock. Granted the team played down a man the entire second half because the ref made a horrible call...while we are on the subject...what is the deal with the referees making shitty calls. It's like its in their job description, must make 3 shitty, totally unwarranted calls a year. As if to fulfill some sort of quota while the only real quota their filling is getting people pissed. I digress...anyway in wake of the controversial goalkeeper switch...which by the by...the benched goalkeeper is none to happy about in the event of the U.S.'s loss, totally jacked the team in a disheartening way. (view all clips on ESPN.com) They have played uninspired soccer throughout this entire tournament and I am so disappointed in them. Good luck trying to revitalize that women's professional league.

On another note, the mysterious author of the Women's World Cup blog wont publish my comments because they are a.) negative b.) i call the coach an idiot and c.) i disagree with everyone else posts of: "Good luck girlz, you are still the best in my book" or the "hold your heads high ladies, you are champions of the heart." Sick. Sometimes, you just fail and sometimes you are just not the better team and sometimes you just dont come prepared to play. There is some stupid cheer about wanting "it" more to win "it" and its clear the US did not have what IT takes. I think the blog and the team needs a kick in the pants and sometimes negativity will do that...I've already submitted about 4 comments that have not been posted and I'm thinking of submitting this final one: "Your reluctance to publish my previous posts brings me to this final conclusion. You cannot handle adversity just like the US Women's Team." Is that too harsh? Not harsh enough? Maybe I should get my girl Crystal on the case...

Yes, we did end up bowling

For those of you who wanted to know...yes, we did end up going out. We left 3 hours later but seeing as the event was 3 months late...what's 3 more hours? It was enjoyable though even though I bowled the worst game of my life. What can you do when you are surrounded by leather couches, girls with unnaturally short skirts (think strippers), and some kind of creepy, dark red lighting that gives off a vibe of hell and makes you feel like its perpetually night time? Of course you are going to be distracted. I hate those upscale bowling lounges--give me the hole in the wall, smoke while you bowl, pitchers of beer bowling lounge over cheap sex-fueled cosmopolitan hellish thrills any day. Yuck.

It's now 1:30pm and I'm still at work...

WTF? I'm starting to think this midday bowling trip is going to turn into an after work special or worse, a pipe dream. Damn the man...plus I'm starvacious. If it is going to be an after work special well then I'd just as soon go home, ya know?
Yes, yes, I complain a lot....so sue me.

HOWEVER...I may have the answer to both of my problems

My lovable lump of a roommate has walked the walk and talked the talk and we will soon be connected to the world wide interweb from the comfort and privacy of our own home. Now, I will not have to waste company dime by blogging during the day, I can waste away precious hours of sleep trying to satiate you dear readers who crave my words of wit. or not. I can also have the pleasure and advantage to "work" from home making my job search much easier and I wont even have to shower. Benefits all around.

I'll be sure to make our internet a secure connection...can't have those little bastard college kids who moved in behind us mooching off our hard earned broadband.

Wednesday is Fun Day

Today is the day of our summer outing. Now this is funny on two levels: 1.) its not summer anymore and 2.) this was supposed to happen months ago. Okay, I guess its not that funny. What began as a fun Friday family picnic day in August morphed into a Friday afternoon at Great America which fizzled into what is now a mid-week afternoon bowling trip. So, as happy as I am to be getting out of the office at midday, part of me grieves that I will still have 2 more full days of work before the weekend and that I wasted the company dime blogging all morning. No wonder my work sitch is FUBAR.

Dating in the Digital World: Getting Your Mac on Via Mac

The title of my next book chronically the lives of 2 lovestruck Mac adolescents who find love through their webcams and a series of inappropriate emails and emoticons. A pageturner indeed or should I say, "a scroll down for more" hit.

The art of switching your opinion-a democrats way of life

So, I dont mean to go all politico on your reading eyes but I wanted to address the war at some point this year. Now, I am not the #1 Bush supporter but I am well aware that I could do no better in his situation and I believe the leader of our country deserves our respect and support. Plus, I dont like to condemn someone unless I have a better plan or a viable alternative. This being said, those people who criticize Bush and criticize the war need to step back and take a look at the history behind our involvement in the so-called "Bush's War."

I have compiled a list of quotes from several high profile Democrats regarding Saddam and the presence of WMDs. These are the same Democrats leading the charge against Bush and his war in the present day.

1998:
"...are we taking some ambigious route which gives him (Saddam) more opportunities to develop this program of weapons of mass destruction..."
-Bill Clinton

"There are such as thing as international outlaws, I'm not sure China is one of them but I'm quite sure Iran and Iraq are."
-Howard Dean
2002:

"Saddam Hussein certainly has chemical and biological weapons, there's no question about that..."
-Nancy Pelosi

"We know he continues to attempt to gain access to additional capabilities, including nuclear capabilities..."
-Joe Biden

"Saddam Hussein in effect has snubbed his nose at the world community and I think the President is approaching this in the right fashion."
-Harry Reid

"Do you think we could have disarmament without regime change" -Interviewer
"I doubt it...I can support the President, I can support an action against Saddam Hussein because I think its in the long term interest of our national security."
-Hilary Clinton

2003:
"Serving on the intelligence committee and seeing day after day, week after week, briefings on Saddam's weapons of mass destruction and his plans on using those weapons, he may not be allowed to have those..it's just that simple."
-John Edwards

Now all these quotes may have been pulled and edited nicely to create a consumate GOP propaganda tool but hey, I'll take my chances and, as the Democrats have so eloquently exemplified, I can always change my mind.

To Keep with the common theme...

The Word of the Day was panacea. A remedy for all diseases, problems, or evils; a universal medicine; a cure-all.

How apropos seeing as I am in desperate need for the panacea of life. Whatever that may be. To some, its a mani/pedi or a trip to the Hair Cuttery. To some its ending their life. To some its simply taking some time to reflect or improve their relationship with the Higher Power. Some people I used to work with believed a panacea was achieved through vanilla incense and Native American drums.

Eh...to each his own.

In other news, Asiankp has reached an all-time low by, in a moment of weakness, signing up for Urban Dictionary's Word of the Day. For those of you urbanites out there, todays word is daggy, meaning to have no style. Do with it what you will. Insult those you see fitting the description.

Dear MAGS, its called a portmanteau...

A challenge has been laid at the feet of Asiankp. A certain blogger has called her out. Read her nonsense here. To this nonsense, I say again, its called a portmanteau.

My friends at Merriam-Webster define portmanteau as a word or morpheme whose form and meaning are derived from a blending of two or more distinct forms (as smog from smoke and fog). The word in question is verocious which is Asiankp's blending of two or more distinct forms (ferocious and vicious) to make a new word whose meaning is defined by the two distinct forms.

Some other portmanteaus: brunch (breakfast+ lunch), motel (motor+ hotel), chortle (chuckle+snort), bodacious (bold+ audacious), fugly (you know+ugly), dramedy (drama+comedy), fantabulous (fantastic+ fabulous), spork (spoon+ fork), Jazzercise (jazz+ exercise), liger (lion+ tiger), metrosexual (metropolitan + heterosexual), Spanglish (Spanish+ English), and of course, Brangelina (Brad+ Angelina).

Granted, my portmanteau is not widely accepted by the English speaking world nor has it found its way into everyday jargon, but give it time. Heck, Louis Carroll did it and Shakespeare made up words all the time. Get with the program.

Pretty Good Friday...

As far as Fridays go, this one would be one for the books. This morning I had enough car change to get a coffee and a blueberry bagel from Panera. My boss bought lunch. I wrote a damn good pitch that my boss only made a couple edits on as opposed to the usual editing process which involves him scratching out the entire thing and telling me to re-write it. My bosses left early and I'm now drinking beers in the office with my co-workers watching "10 Top World Cup Goals" on You Tube. I'm about to leave and go to Milwaukee to hang out with my cousins and watch some long anticipated soccer games that my dad taped on the DVR. On Sunday, I'll return to Chi-town to attend an MLS game with my beer league soccer team. Oh man...I live for Fridays, nay, I live for weekends. The only thing I'm missing is a little birthday bar hopping for a friend. A small price to pay for a fabulous weekend ahead...

I Do Not Like You Eric Zorn...

http://blogs.chicagotribune.com/news_columnists_ezorn/2007/09/clinic.html

Holy Heckfire...I missed the Emmys!

In all the years of Asiankp's life (24 now), she has never missed an awards show. Some people find these sort of things incredibly boring and trivial and a lot of rich people patting the backs of other rich people. Well, you are right on two counts. It is a bunch of wealthy, well dressed people patting eachother on the back and a little trivial but boring...never. Take this years Emmy's which I, regrettably, missed completely. Thank God for Google News who gave me 343 related articles on the Emmys. I missed the ever hilarious Stephen Colbert and John Stewart riff with special guest Steve Carrell, I missed the potty mouthed Katherine Heigl (say her last name wrong and her head will explode) and the numero uno regret, I missed the ridiculous rant of Sally Field. Sally Field. I didnt know the woman was still kicking let alone on a Emmy nominated show on ABC. I guess in Hollywood you can get 50th chances.

Sally Field's show, Brothers and Sisters, is about a dysfunctional family (surprise! so original!) and she plays the family matriarch. She won the Emmy for the best actress in a dramatic series and in her thank you speech, she goes on a diatribe about mothers. Aww...yes, mothers are the best and they deserve our highest praise and love. But, here's the kicker, at the end of her speech, Sally says, "Lets face it...if mothers ruled, ruled the world, there would be no god damn wars."

Hmm...lets pause to let that sink in. Many of the Hollywood cronies couldnt wait to jump out of their seats and give her a standing ovation. Now, I'm not sure about you, but I know my mother and yes she is sweet and loving but if something happened to me, she would turn into a verocious tiger doing everything she could to protect the one she loved. I feel you be hard pressed to find a mother who said that avoiding conflict is the key to good mothering. Such a statement is a slap in the face to the mothers whose sons have gone off to protect and fight for our country. In a Sally Field world, mothers would be submissive and succumb to immediate surrender. What kind of world would that leave us?? Would young girls be taught to cave in at the first sign of struggle? Would they throw their hands in the air at the first sign of adversity? Sally Field seems to think this would be best. And Hollywood seems to agree. Like sheep, they all follow, bleating incoherent statements about things they have not thought through.

A writer from the NRO put it best:

"On the playground of life, Sally Field is the mom who looks the other way when the brat on the elementary-school slide pushes your son to the ground or throws dirt in your daughter’s face.She’s the mom who holds her tongue at the mall when thugs spew profanities and make crude gestures in front of her brood. She’s the mom who tells her child never to point out when a teacher gets her facts wrong.She’s the mom who buys her teenager beer, condoms, and a hotel room on prom night, because she’d rather give in than assert her parental authority and do battle.She’s the mom whose minivan sports insipid bumper stickers preaching non-intervention at all costs: “Peace is patriotic.” “War is not the answer.” “It Will Be a Great Day When Our Schools Get All the Money They Need and the Air Force Has to Hold a Bake Sale to Buy a Bomber.”

I probably shouldnt even let this drivel get to me. After all these are the same people who gave Al Gore an Oscar.

Just Do It!

With the work day ending and my creative blog posting slowly slipping from my mind, I figured this would be a good time to just do it. There have been several big changes in the last week. For instance, I will soon find myself without the constant Internet access and the comfy chair from IKEA. Thats right. The job situation. FUBAR. I'm not upset or disgruntled or defeated. We had a good run and not even the best PR person in the world could handle a meltdown like Britney's. I'm sorry America. I did what I could. Britney is no longer the nubile, young co-ed who waltzed around on your TV sets singing innocent love songs while wearing a Catholic schoolgirl outfit. No, she is now a Toxic commodity and no longer Lucky. Oops, I did it again, I screwed up and now she's so Lonely and Not a girl, but Yet not a Woman. Oh, well, I'm a slave for you, America.

So that is that. Totally FUBAR'd in the jobby. Which brings me to my next point. Military Acronyms. I LOVE them. I'm totally fascinated by this other language and though, at times, it can be rough, I would love to just talk in acronyms all day. A few favorites include the obvious FUBAR, FIDO, FUNDY (channeling John Cleese here), and DILLIGAF. I recently found it quite entertaining to start saying the word constantly around my apartment and now my roommates have all picked it up and it has become part of our general, late night jargon.

Speaking of words, a friend of mine came up with a word for an internal fart. Genius. It inspired me to do the same. Frustration seems to be my mood of the month and a majority of this frustration is self-inflicted. I thought I wish there was a word that embodied the feeling of frustration brought upon yourself in such large doses that it causes you to feel sick. Thats when it hit me: Frustrabation.

Hmmm...maybe I should steer clear of the Army acronyms and Britney Spears lyrics for a while. They are giving me a dirty mind.

Gosh...

There are so many things I want to blog about and so little time...at work. I may have to sneak away at lunch under the guise of "mailing a letter."

Another reason to have a big family...

Well, there are a number of reasons to have a large family. I simply add another...you can form a band and deliver a truly entertaining and amazing performance.

But seriously, I have been around large families all my life. I do not have a large family, it was not in His plan, but I love hanging out with them. I babysit for them. I have a hard time babysitting for a family with less than three. I can't believe there are people in this world who dont like large families. Maybe I'm just naive.

You Can Thank Me Later...

Check out this site. It should be illegal, probably is...but I really enjoy it.

I should probably add, in case you are confused, you can watch movies here for free...movies just released and old movies as well.

USA 2 Sweden 0

Because I know that you are dying to know...the US women's soccer team won early this morning beating Sweden 2 to nil. Its good because they are now sitting pretty to advance to the quarterfinals depending on how North Korea fares. If they end up on top of the Group, they won't have to face Germany right away. Now, I didnt watch the game but I heard that the team has been struggling and not playing well. They seemed so confident in their send-off series matches...what will it take for them to replicate the confidence they so ably showed on their home turf in China? Maybe a thrashing. Maybe a nice pep talk. Maybe this guy. Either way, I hope they didnt unveil those flashy gold uniforms for no reason. Although, I thought that was pretty snooty, even if they are the "best team we've never heard of."

Entourage

No, I dont watch the show. One of my friends loves it and reminds me everytime I see him to "watch tha show...its off the hizzle...its so freakin guuud man, you dont even know." I see he's picked up the lingo of the show as well. I decided to read up on the show so I turned to Wikipedia because as Michael Scott put it, "Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information."

Wikipedia did not disappoint...they included full plot and character descriptions of everyone including the people that make up Vince's "entourage." It got me thinking...who would I want in my entourage? I came up with a list of 5 fo sho's.

1.) B-whizzle: roommate, confidante and friend to keep you grounded.
2.) C-Dubs: philosophical advisor and speechwriter, aka. publicist, also keep you grounded
3.) Girl from Supercuts: I probably would need a hair stylist and she would be cheap and fast.
4.) Secret Agent Man: I need an agent and if he was secret...no one else would be able to take him from me.
5.) JC-the Big Man. Who wouldnt want him in an entourage? That way you can say things like, "I roll with JC. No one can touch me."

Who would you choose?

If I played on the US WNT soccer team and we were playing North Korea...

I would get a ginormous South Korean flag tattooed on my butt and when I scored the winning goal to beat them 3-2...I would turn and face them and show them that democracy is truly the sunny side up. Does that make any sense? Probably not but it sounds good in my head. I would just want to throw something in their faces for all the grief they have caused the motherland.

14% Chance...

It was a slow day at work so I decided to peruse a website that was recently brought to my attention...I proceeded to have some fun with it. The results are as follows:

My preppy name is Marsden Larkin Oakleigh V aka. Missy
My love life is like the movie Casablanca (hmm...)
If I were crayon, I would be the red crayon.
My Summer Anthem is "Holiday" by Green Day
If I were an X-men, I would be Storm.
My Biblical name is Bethesda Lemuela (I should also note that underneath this name was the phrase-"you will not live to see the end of time")
My punk band name would be the Relaxed Banana Hammocks
My Star Wars name is Katpr Gesco and my Title is the Royras of Nhoj
My Irish name is Avril Doyle
My All-American name is Amy Ann Young (which is funny because my middle name just happens to be Young for reals.)
My Hippie Chick name is Starlight
My Drag Queen name is Mamma Mammeries (ugh)
My Celebrity Baby Name is Leelee Takoma

And last but not least my favorite-"How Sinful Are You":
Sloth: 40%
Envy: 20%
Gluttony: 20%
Pride: 20%
No Greed or Lust or Wrath
There is a 14% chance I'll go to hell.

Awesome.

A Conversation

I'm in DC right now and I run out with my friend to get a pack of smokes.
The conversation I had with Felix, the clerk at the CVS is as follows:

Me: Hi, a pack of camel lights and this pack of gum.

Felix: Hmm....you got ID?

Me: Yep, right here.

Felix: (takes ID and turn it sideways and then back to see if its fake, he then turns it over again and holds it up to the light) Hmm...I'm having some trouble.

Me: Can I help you with something?

Felix: I just...I just dont see a date. I cant sell to you if there is no date.

Me: Well, there is date listed under birthdate.

Felix: I dont see any birthdate on this thing.

Me: (take the ID and point to the first thing below my name): See, right here...B-I-R-T-H-D-A-T-E...birthdate.
(at this point, you might be thinking, wow asiankp is such a little biotch and i was being one but honestly...)

Felix: Oh. Ohhhh.....wow. Wow.

Me: I'm sorry, is there something wrong?

Felix: Oh no...its just you look way younger than that. (there was a bit of an overexaggerated way younger in that statement)

Me: Well, its me. 24. Thanks.

Felix: Yeah. Sure. Okay. Bye.

Please, please please dont tell me that I look younger than 16...because apparently Felix thinks so.

the far east

So, i'm on a vaca. no, not a cow. a vacation. its AWESOME. DC...particularly the Chevy Chase area has some wonderful scenery...although to be honest those circles kind of freak me out. it looks like a major accident just waiting to happen. anyway, its been a phenomenal 3 days so far...chillaxin with old friends and eating some good food. Did I ever tell you about my friends baby...well let me tell you she is the cutest little fatty fat in the world. And, she loves me. Well, I dont know if its love or the fact that i give her food whenever i see her but still...food, love, its all the same thing. i dont want to work again ever. E.V.E.R.