Yawn...

So...very slow day at work so I decided to take the "Who Are you Most Like from The Office" Quiz. I was disappointed to find that Andy was not an option. However, after the 20 questions (literally 20), it was decided that I have a split personality. I'm most like Pam and Michael meaning I'm a Micham. I'm not sure if this means I'm destined to make awkward, inappropriate jokes while wearing cardigans for the rest of my life, but it is certainly helping to pass the time.

I also have a question of ethics for you. If you know tomorrow is going to be slow, droning, tear-out-your-hair-day boring and you have legitimately been feeling crappy all week, do you call in sick or suck it up and go to work because you arent dying or anything, you are just feeling under the weather? Add in the fact that you have no real committment to the job but also add in the fact that you know the studio manager is out for the day and the staff will be down a man...what does one do?

I suppose the fact that I'm even posting this question to the world wide web tells me that I already know the answer. Damn my conscience.

Insult vs. compliment

Last week, my boss was interviewing a girl for my position. The girl seemed nice enough and was very small, petite and cute. The interview seemed to go quickly and a few hours later, my co-worker J. came up to the desk for some chitchat. Our conversation quickly turned to the cute brunette who had interviewed earlier.

J: I hope she gets the job.

KP: Why?

J: Because she was freakin HOT!

KP: I suppose, yeah, but then you wouldnt get any work done. You would keep coming up to the desk like a little dog.

J: Whatever. She was HOT. When you come to work, its an added bonus to have a smoking hot receptionist...(LONG PAUSE)... or have a receptionist with a good personality.

KP: Okay, J.

J: No, I mean, if she's hot and has a good personality thats awesome but if she has a good personality, thats all right. It still makes work fun.

KP: Haha..ha?

J: No really, I mean, listen, I've dated girls in the past who everyone thought was so ugly and they'd be like, "Oh man, why are you dating her, she is so ugly." But I'd be like, "She has a good personality man."

KP: You are a true saint, J. Women must love you.

J: Ha..whatever. See you later.

So there you have it. I suppose J was paying me a compliment by saying I had a good personality but also pointing out that I was not smoking hot. Oh the joys of men and women in the workplace.

Ah Bartelby, Ah Humanity!

Have you ever found yourself in a room with company that you find completely crude and completely intolerable? In situations such as these, Asiankp does not have the proper moxie to just say whats on her mind and call people out on their BS. She would rather retreat into a quiet corner, thinking evil thoughts about said company until later she can discuss them with a sympathetic listener. I ask you, is it better to hold your tongue and avoid confrontation with strangers you hardly know but who ended up in your house anyway or speak your mind, say your peace, offend if necessary and then move on? You can pick and choose your battles but one must take into account the battleground and whether reinforcements can be brought in. In any case, I'm not sure whats worse...making things uncomfortable in your home and starting unecessary fisticuffs or keeping quiet when you know wrong is afoot.

Today I was a half hour late for work

I blame it on Duncan Kane.

I'm like the gay male drunk version of Britney Spears...

So, the train ride home was packed. And I mean packed. I knew it would be an uncomfortable ride as soon as I saw the train pull up and some girls nose was pressed against the window...forcefully. No one in their right mind presses their nose against the El cars in Chicago. It's an invitation for all sorts of diseases and possibly hepatitis.
Anyway, I managed to snake my way into a tiny spot between a very dirty partition and a hipster girl. Almost immediately I smelled the alcohol. Right behind me were two very drunk and very gay men. What follows is practically their verbatim conversation. And it was wholly entertaining.

Guy #1: I am SOOO drunk.

Guy #2: Me too. Those shots are now in ma BELLY.

Guy #1: WTF? Why is the train not moving? Doors closing...doors closing....they are SOO totally closed.

Guy #2: Oh man, we are so drunk.

Guy #1: Okay, so here's the plan.

Guy #2: Tell me the plan.

Guy #1: We are going to go to my apartment, eat food, feed the puppies, watch Sordid Lives until 11 and then...GO OUT.

Guy #2: The puppies need food. That is a great plan. Oh...why are we not moving? I am so drunk. Are we moving because we could be?

Guy #1: What if I was pregnant? You know...but I wouldnt have a baby, I would have a vodka bottle, you know.

Guy #2: HA. You would have a vodka bottle for a baby. How many shots did we do?

Guy #1: Well that one bar we have 4 shots of jager and then those martinis and all those damn beers.

Guy #2: Oh yeah, all those beers...mmmhhhmmm...can we bring the puppies to work tomorrow? Damn you...work....thats the last time I'm going out with you during the middle of the day, you got me all drunk.

Guy #1: Whatever. We are celebrating. My husband left me for a soccer player with abs. A soccer player. Abs.

Guy#2: And he's younger than you. He's younger. So we are celebrating.

Guy #1: Yeah, he might as well be 4. 4 with abs.

Guy #2 (to another passenger): So his husband left him. It's sad but he still has the puppies.

Guy #1: Yeah, I'm like the very gay male drunk version of Britney Spears. Except I wouldnt shave my head because its SOO cold here.

Guy #2: And I'm like the gay version of Britney's Spear's bodyguard. So we are celebrating. Oh my god, are we moving? I swear we are moving...

Guy #1: I have to pee...lets just go here. Like the puppies do.

Unfortunately, thats where I left them...contemplating whether or not to pee inside like their puppies do.

ASIANKP IS HEADED TO DC

For a short visit in a few short weeks. And she could not be happier.

A Few Things About Me...

Recently, it has come to my attention through conversations with others and through some well directed gossip, that certain people think I have concrete views on specific topics. For the most part this is true, because what kind of person doesnt have concrete views on specific topics. A completely open mind is a completely empty mind. However, there are few things that I wish to clarify. And for the record, one of the things that really annoys every fiber of my being is people who think they know how I feel about things and feel that they can "anticipate" how I will react. There are a few choice people in my life who have that pleasure but a majority of folks are big bags of wind.

#1: Asiankp hates couples. FALSE. This is not true. Just because I choose to stay at home rather than attend a brunch that I know is populated only by couples and that I will be the only single person there does not mean I hate couples. Rather I choose to avoid an awkward situation for myself and for the other couples. Most of the time, I'm happy to hang out with you and your BF/GF but somedays I would rather not witness some stomach-churning displays of affection.

#2: Asiankp is cynical. TRUE. I am cynical and I take great pleasure in being cynical and I will forever and ever remain cynical. Amen.

#3: Asiankp does not believe in change. TRUE and FALSE. Asiankp does like change but she does not always believe that change equates better. Change is imminent and sometimes necessary but Asiankp refuses to jump on the Obama Change Wagon because she feels it is the most superficial and empty campaign ever.

#4: Asiankp uses humor to deflect serious topics and conversation. TRUE. I cannot have truly serious conversations without a cigarette anymore. I feel that the cigarette keeps my loins fertile and creativity flowing. And yes, I did just use humor to avoid answering this question.

#5: Asiankp is anti-social. FALSE. I'm only anti-social when the society is undesirable. You go ahead and put two and two together.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some VM to attend to.

Mr. President

So today is President's Day. I'm not really sure what one does to properly celebrate President's Day...I think in grade school we used to eat cupcakes decorated with Lincoln and Washington's head. If I remember correctly, Abe was always in red and George was always in blue. Not sure what the significance is but its what I remember.
Anyway, last night I was at a bar with some friends and someone asked, "So whose is your favorite president of all time?" There were answers of Reagan, Teddy Roosevelt, FDR, Truman but when it was my turn, I said, "Without a doubt, Thomas J. Witmore." Blank stares all around. "Thomas J. Whitmore, Bill Pullman, Independence Day." No responses. Ice clinked in glasses. Finally someone sighed a whatever and the group left to have a smoke.

Okay, so my favorite president happens to be a fictional character from a movie. So what? The man was awesome. He was a good father, a loving husband, had incredible foreign policy and was a former fighter pilot. When his country comes under attack, he goes out to fight the good fight on the front lines and protect our country from a ruthless invasion. He inspires. He fights. He saves the country. He wins my vote. And he also delivers a speech that sometimes makes me tear up just thinking about. I even used clips of his speech for my sophmore year English project. However, I'm sad to report that my teacher did not share my enthusiasm for the speech saying it did not apply to the topic (which was inspirational poetry of the 19th century). Regardless, the man is, was and will always be my favorite president. A few other presidents that make the cut:

1.) President James Marshall (Harrison Ford) in "Air Force One"-now this guys inspires as well. And he could offer a crash course in dealing with terrorists. And when he yells, "GET OFF MY PLANE," it sends shivers of fear and excitement down my spine.

2.) President Tom Beck (Morgan Freeman) in "Deep Impact"-Natural Disaster strikes and President Beck must select specific people to hide out in the super underground caves and ultimately survive while the rest of the world dies. I dont think its any coincidence that Mr. Freeman has also played God twice. As a man faced with a grueling task, Beck handles it all with grace, sincerity and compassion. In the end when its clear the planet will not be wiped out by a giant meteorite, its great to see Beck standing atop the rubble that once was the White House and declaring that they can rebuild the country and tomorrow is ours. Visions of Obama anyone?

3.) President Robert Fowler (James Cromwell) in "The Sum of All Fears"-Let's be honest. James Cromwell is always a man who demands your attention while onscreen. There is something about his persona, his build and his voice that just exudes a strong confidence. While the rest of his cabinet freaks out about the impending doom of nuclear war, he earns major points for being able to keep a cool head and trust his instincts.

I'm sure there are others...some suggest Dave Kovich (Kevin Kline) in "Dave" but I'm over the whole lying and decieving America. Been there, done that, right Clinton?

A Letter to Winter

Dear Winter,

I hate you and your ever present face. Please go away. Even though sometimes you are pretty, for the most part, you depress me and give me rashes due to dry skin.

Sincerely,
Asiankp

I find that a strongly worded letter is sometimes the best way to deal with an adversary.

VD

Thats right. I think today is a really appropriate day to talk about venereal diseases, especially on Valentine's Day, a holiday that has been perpetuated by those clever folks at Hallmark but also a day that somewhat subtley encourages couples to make coital memories. Sorry if thats a dirty word but it seemed to fit.

ANYWAY...for those of you couples who insist on making coital memories, I suggest you have an intimate chat with your partner to confirm that the other does not suffer from any hidden diseases. Before bedding, a long checklist of questions regarding previous partners is a good idea. I am a fan of the lengthly and in depth list of questions that they give you before you give blood. You know the one with the questions like, "Have you had sex with a man who has had sex with another man who has sex with someone overseas who has had relations with any type of animal?" Yep. In depth. Those blood folks leave no stone uncovered. And I have hard time wondering how they ask those questions with a straight face.

So, on this self proclaimed sweetest day of the year, I urge you all, before you dip into your chocolate covered edible underpants, to GET TESTED.

Who says I dont do apostolate?

Check out the proof right here.

Although I must say, the TV Girl has converted me as well. I am now a huge Veronica Mars fan and its definitely worth the late nights and the late for work the next morning because you stayed up until 4am waiting to find out who killed Lilly. Metaphorically speaking, of course, because I havent even gotten that far.

Things Worth Doing

Lately I've been wondering if my actions are just mindless activities that serve no greater purpose. These thoughts come to me while I'm sharpening pencils or putting together binders for a class. These inane actions are simply that. Inane. And it made me wonder what things are indeed, worth doing. And not just doing, but doing well. I'm about to embark on a very interesting journey and I've made a very important decision regarding my future but I'm afraid of doing it and I'm not sure I have the gumption to do it well. But while I sort out my thoughts on that, here's a list of things I've decided are worth doing. And things that I'm determined to start doing well.

1.) Praying-sounds cheesy but its true.
2.) Visiting friends-I suppose my cycle of funemployment will allow me to do this...Ann Arbor, D.C., Texas and NY are on the list.
3.) Writing-enough said.
4.) Eating healthy-this is easier said than done but its about time I start.
5.) Work-this is a challenging one especially when I find myself in a job that requires me to use only half my brain. But the thing is, no matter how stupid or boring the work is, I sell myself short if I dont do it the best of my ability. So, the pencils will be the sharpest pencils you've ever seen and those binders will shine and that coffee will taste as if the little Colombian man himself showed up at your window with his donkey and a steaming hot cup of joe.

Love/Hate, San Fran, Turtles and Pencils

Lately, I’ve been answering questions with this response, “Oh that…yeah it’s a very love/hate relationship.” I cant tell you how many times I’ve used this phrase to describe everything from actual relationships to the way I feel about a pair of jeans or carbohydrates. I feel it covers the bases and but doesn’t give away too much. It also avoids having to go in further detail with someone because every person with a half a brain should understand the concept of a love/hate relationship. And depending on which term you put more emphasis on, the topic in question can be dropped quicker than you can say Cletus the Fetus or Bobby’s Horny Toad.

So, yeah, love/hate relationships. What do you have a love/hate relationship with?

My roommate just got back from San Francisco. While her butt was on the beach, mine was turning blue in the negative degree wind chill we’ve had lately. I haven’t spoken to her yet, but I’m sure her trip was filled with danger, intrigue, and passion. That and drag queens. Although, I’m told San Francisco is not the gay paradise I had heard it was.

Work today is slow. Slower than a herd of turtles in a sea of peanut butter. I’d like to see someone draw that for me. And then put it on a t-shirt that I could wear all the time.

Funemployment has been put on hold for another 2 or 3 weeks. The girl who was going to take my job decided to follow her heart instead giving me 2 to 3 more weeks of steady work. Which is great because I still have 2 more boxes of pencils to sharpen.

House Cleaning

Sometimes, house cleaning can be an amazing thing. We got a new roommate today so B and I decided that it was time to clean up house and begin to pack up old roommates' stuff. We have sorted our storage closets, sweep and mopped the floors, taken out the trash for the entire apartment and gotten rid of the ginormous pile of newspapers in our front hall. It has been the most productive Saturday ever. A win-win-win. And, did I mention my new roommate likes to cook? Bonus.

In which I vent

So I mentioned how I my current employers have decided not to take me on...sucks. But whatever, you move on. Here's the thing...if I think about it really hard, ponder all my choices, my supervisor is right. She is doing me a grand favor. A little backstory here: before my most recent bout of funemployment, I had a great job working for a PR/Marketing company. I was dabbling in international relations with trade media and communicating almost daily with reps in China. It paid well, my bosses were cool, my co-workers tolerable and everything was the big fat American dream. Until I realized that the content of the work was not really where my heart lay and the company and I made a mutual decision that this is not what I wanted. I was determined to jump back into the production/casting world so funemployment session one began. It lasted longer than I thought and when this job came along I jumped at the opportunity. I thought it would be a good stepping stone to get back into the world of production and make some nice contacts along the way.

Unfortunately, this has not been the case. I went from communicating with Asia to sharpening pencils and making coffee. I make minimum wage. My bosses (the spouses) treat me like a dim witted blonde. So far today, I've spent more time making coffee and sending flowers for them...its not a receptionist, its an effin personal assistant. I add minutes to their phone bill, I send their relatives flowers on their birthday. Soon, I will making their kids science projects and filling in at parent teacher conferences. Some of you might shake your head and say, "Oh Asiankp, what did you expect? You are a receptionist at a "family" business, of course you are going to end up doing that kind of stuff." And to that I say, I was wholly unprepared for this. Everyday I leave work feeling a little bit stupider. And a little more angry. Half the time, they dont communicate with me and then chastise me for not getting things done. Everytime someone calls for my boss, I tell him who it is, he gives me a look like he has never ever heard of that person before and says, "WHO??" I repeat the name the exact same way and again, a blank stare. I finally raise my voice and say the name twice in a row real fast and a glimpse of recognition crosses his face. "Okay, thank you." Mind you, the person who is calling has just called about 5 minutes ago. Yet somehow, I end up feeling like the incompetent jerk who doesnt enunciate. And that my friends, is just not worth it.

Good riddance.

Its Beginning to Look a lot like Christmas

I know...wrong season. We should be thinking about Easter and not Christmas, but seriously, with all the snow we are getting, how can I not think about Christmas. It has been snowing non stop since 6am this morning and all I can think about is those lucky bastards who got snow days today or will get one tomorrow. Sometimes, it pays to work far away from home.
Anyway, I have a sinking feeling that I"m becoming lame. My blog posts are lacking and even when I spiced it up with a guest blogger (who was fantastic), the comments did not come. I have a suspicion that people read the blog and dont comment and thats all well and good but it does nothing to stroke my ego.

On to other things...I will not be continuing on at my current job. There was talk of taking me on permanently when I started and that is now FUBAR. Part of me is disappointed but part of me should be thanking them. It was a dead end job with no prospects and honestly, the owners drove me crazy. To anyone out there looking for a job, DO NOT and I repeat, DO NOT EVER WORK FOR SPOUSES. EVER EVER EVER. Too bad everyone else was hilarious and super cool. I dont know how they stand it. Anyway, I'm looking forward to bigger and better things. Besides I wouldnt be Asiankp if I didnt have another bout of funemployment coming up.

Genius in the House: Special Guest: The TV Girl

I firmly believe in sharing. It's something that has been drilled into our heads as little kids and for good reason. Sharing is good. Sharing makes friends. Sharing makes the world go round. Except if you are a prostitute, then sharing is wrong. Very, very wrong. Anyway, my good friend TV Girl has done me a great favor and will be guest-blogging today. If you havent checked out her site yet, you should. So without further ado, I give you the TV Girl and the Top 5 TV Dads, the first in a 2 part series regarding TV Parents:

Parental relationships define our lives; we spend our entire existence acting in accord or reacting against what we are taught by our parents as they either raise or ignore us.
One of my stunning endorsements of Veronica Mars is the relationship between Veronica and Keith. I claim that Keith is one of the top five parents on TV if not the best. So who is the competition? Now I know that most people would say that Cliff Huxtable (Bill Cosby) is the all-time champ of best parent on TV, but he is before my time, and is maybe best left as a special case, not eligible for competition. I think this list is more about recent/current TV than the entire history of TV.

The Top Five Dads:

Keith Mars (Enrico Colantoni) from Veronica Mars
I admit that I am a sucker for daddy-daughter storylines, but the relationship between Veronica (Kristin Bell) and her father Keith is truthful and beautiful. Keith admires and encourages his daughter, but he struggles with his desire to protect her, and suffers when she deceives or defies him, as teenagers often do. Because his wife left, he is the sole parent, so at times he is in the awkward position of chastising and comforting simultaneously. Furthermore, Keith must act as a model for Veronica. His professional life is profoundly effected by Lily’s murder, and he must demonstrate to his daughter how to accept adversity with good-humor and resilience. He is motivated by his profound love for his child and always acts towards giving her a good life.

Sandy Cohen (Peter Gallagher) from The O.C.
I don’t think anyone can argue that The O.C. is divorced from reality. Accordingly, Sandy is a bit too smart, a bit too smarty-pants, and a bit too trusting. Granting this, Sandy is a damn good dad. Sandy is a good father because he knows who he is and doesn’t compromise for trivialities. His openness to taking in Ryan (Ben Mackenzie) is of course the premise of the show, and if it was just the “I’m going to save the down trodden kid” mentality then Sandy wouldn’t qualify for my list. He is a loving and consistent father to both Seth (Adam Brody) and Ryan; encouraging them when they are lost, reprimanding them when they are wrong, and never giving up on them. In Season Three, when Sandy kind of looses his way, it is his children who bring him back. His respect for them reciprocates in their respect for him, and engenders them with the courage to do what is right when he is in the wrong. I think his children appreciate him more the older they get, which is an accurate assessment of how we all feel about our parents. I really can’t imagine the embarrassment Seth suffered as a small child. Plus Sandy has the best eyebrows in existence (I don’t know why I consider that a positive quality in a father, but I do).

Ignacio Suarez (Tony Plana) from Ugly Betty
Betty (America Ferrera)’s dad is awesome. He cooks, he watches telonovelas, always reminds his daughters of right and wrong, acts as a father to his grandson, and even gives Betty’s boss Daniel (Eric Mabius) much need guidance. When it comes out that he hasn’t been entirely honest with his children, they are upset, but I can’t blame him for the choices he makes. He does what he does to protect his children, and he holds himself to the same moral standard he holds them to. When he faces the repercussions of his past actions, he accepts his responsibility with dignity. When Betty and her father disagree because he opposes her relationship with Henry (Christopher Gorham), Henry reminds her that he father is the foundation of her life. Now that’s a good father, appreciated even by those he disagrees with.

Seeley Booth (David Boreanaz) from Bones
There are a few standard rules on TV. A single mother is single because her ex/babydaddy/one-night-stand is an ass-hat and she is better off with out him. A single father is single because he is a widower and his deceased wife was a saint. (The notable exception is 8 Simple Rules, which incorporated the death of John Ritter into the show and depicted the aftermath of loosing a good father.) If a show deals with both parents, then the child is freakishly well adjusted (Micah from Heroes anyone), as if everyone is trying to prove that a spilt home is the ideal environment for children. Bones kind of bends the rules. I admit I was skeptical when they introduced Booth’s son, but it has proven to be one of the more compelling storylines on the show. Booth is a single father, his ex-girlfriend has custody, and they do their best to give Parker (Ty Panitz) the best life. But Booth has to struggle with his ex’s new love interests and their influence on Parker’s life, as well as his desire to spend time with his son balanced with maintaining civil relations with his ex. Showing the difficulties facing a loving father who doesn’t have custody is impressive element of the show, and Booth is so patient, loving, and determined to make the best of it, you know Parker will become a good man. (Plus he gets extra points because Booth is worlds away from Angel and his son Connor, which had to be one of the most fraked-up father/son dynamics ever.)

Admiral Bill Adama (Edward James Olmos) from Battlestar Galactica
My respect for Adama as the leader of the remains of humanity is almost inexpressible. But his qualifications as a father are questionable, but he makes it on my list because he demonstrates that one can learn from mistakes and grow into a better person. Adama and his son Lee (Jamie Bamber) are individually and relationally a huge part of the show. When BSG begins they are estranged due to the death of the (I think) younger Adama son Zack, who died in a flying accident two years before. Lee and Adama fight bitterly but love fiercely. They push at each other, defy each other, and disappoint each other, but each rises up like a gladiator when the other is threatened or in danger. Adama has worked through a great deal of his parenting issues in his relationship with Kara Thrace (Katee Sackhoff). I wonder if any amount of love, or therapy, could fundamentally alter Kara, but Adama is the one loving influence she accepts without fear or cynicism. Kara’s acceptance encourages Adama to rectify his relationship with Lee. Adama is a very real parent; he has made grievous mistakes, but he loves his son too much to make those mistakes a pattern of behavior. Even in the face of failure he still tries. And every time Adama and Lee hug I tear up a little bit.

The TV Girl

PS. Dont forget to share...

I Stand Corrected

That was a pretty exciting minute last night during the game. Congrats to the Giants.

Yawn...what is this? Baseball?

So the Super Bowl is on and if it werent for my parents fancy new HD TV set, I would be bored out my mind. There are 3 minutes left in the 3rd quarter and the score is Patriots 7, Giants 3. Am I watching a baseball game? Add to the fact that I could care less about who wins and the best commercials I've seen so far are from a tire company, Super Bowl Sunday is looking pretty bleak. However, there are some bright spots. Etrade's commercial with the baby was definitely entertaining. Tom Brady is playing horribly and has been sacked 5 times. My mom has some delicious brownies left over from a faculty party. Tom Brady just threw another incomplete pass. Yawn...start of the 4th quarter and the score remains 7 to 3.

As boring as the last 2 hours have been, I have come to sincerely appreciate high definition televison. I've been able to see where Pam Mack's makeup line begins and ends and Tom Coughlin's pock marks which I assume are weather wounds from his night on the Frozen Tundra. I've been able to see clearly into Bill Bellicheats conscience and there is a giant GUILTLY clearly visible on the left membrane. I've also been able to see sentences forming in Peyton Manning's mind. "I haate dem Patriots." and "Guud...job...little...brudder."

And the Giants just scored. Yes. I can't wait to see the tears flowing from Tom Brady's face. In high def.

Cold Weather Brings Out the Worst In People

So I returned home from a party this evening/early morning to discover that someone had written the word SLUT in the snow that heavily blanketed my car.

Oh no...they are on to me and my wicked ways. But seriously, it must be this cold weather that makes people so feisty.