Monday, July 30, 2007

Something New

I clicked on a link that led me to a certain infamous actress who has a blog. The tone of her posts are somewhat poetic but in style only. Each of her posts is meant to resemble something similar to a haiku, but without any of the proper parameters. I thought I might try my hand at it:

2 day ate lunch
at panera
sandwiches so good

think about tomorrow
what 2 do with 2 much work
status call at 7am
crazy bickering clients

i want some coffee now
cream and sugar
how do u take yours.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Endless Un-Productive Fun

Here is an awesome game that is guaranteed to entertain for hours, or at least several minutes. It's called "Name that Movie" game. Basically, they show a still image of a movie but with the characters face and body parts removed and you have to guess which movie it is...sounds easy but its not.

So here's the link:
http://www.arizonahikers.com/board/printview.php?t=1640&start=0

It will take you to the page where you can download the excel file - click on "guess the movie" (underlined, near the top) you can then download and play.

If anyone can figure out numbers: 2, 3, 6, 12, 14, 17, 19, 20, 22, 23, 26, 29, 37, 39, 41, 43, 45, 46, 48, 50, 52, 53, 55, 56, 59, 64, 65, 69, and 70, well then, I'll buy you dinner.

Enjoy.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

This Week's Sign of Crazy


Oh, that Cindy...here you are getting arrested and you look happier than a pig in shit.








Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Are you Up to the Challenge?

Just try and test your working memory vs. mine. I got up to 7.5.

Check it out here...take the challenge.

Not sure what working memory is? Well, check here: www.aboutworkingmemory.org

My Leitmotif

I'm thinking I should change the title of this blog to "words, words, words." My penchant for reading through the dictionary and constantly checking the Words of the Day website is seriously becoming detrimental to my work day.

But there are perks such as stringing together the following sentence:

Surprisingly, the avatar's trenchant criticism elicited comfortable confabulations.

Now, I may be using these words in their wholly improper manner but I dont care because its my agon and my leitmotif.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

A Clarification

On the below post: That photo is a publicity photo of Tom Cruise's upcoming movie, "Valkryie" where he plays an SS Nazi officer trying to assasinate Hitler. A scientologist nazi. It was funny at the time.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Apocalypse Now!


In Sport's Illustrated, they have this great column called "This Weeks Sign of Apocalypse." I like that. So I have included this image as "This Weeks Sign of Idiots Roaming the Earth."

A Perpetual State of Nonage

Today's word of the day was too good to pass up. See below.

nonage \NON-ij; NOH-nij\, noun:
1. The time of life before a person becomes legally of age.

2. A period of youth or immaturity

This got me thinking. What does one call a period of senescence and maturity? So basically, we are all nonages until we reach a point of maturity...graduation, college, marriage, etc. and then we are an age-age and promptly given a number? Hmm...I could accept that. I have quite a few friends still living in nonage...and loving it. Whoever said 30 was the new 20 is clearly not embracing their nonage. People need to learn to stop hatin' and start participatin'.

I hereby institute the Revolution of Nonage 07. We will have a large global concert, Live Earth-style, and Aerosmith will reunite to sing our theme song, "Living on the Nonage" and we will all throw caution to the wind. I can hear it now:

Tell me what you think about your sit-u-a-tion
Complication - aggravation is getting to you
We're living in the nonage
You can't help yourself from agin'
Livin' in the nonage
You can't help yourself at all
Livin' in the nonage
You can't stop yourself from agin'
Livin' in the nonage

And then Al Gore will come on stage, via satellite, and say, "I invented the nonage," then Bon Jovi will hop onstage with random ass performers like John Mayer, Fergie, and Celine Dion.
Bon Jovi will start with a raging:

Hold on, we're halfway there
Hold on, livin' on a prayer
Take my hand
We'll nonage I swear
Hold on, living on praaaaayer.

Then Fergie will chime in:

I'm Nonag-ilicious(so delicious)
My body stay vicious
I be up in the gym just working on my fitness
Al's my witness (oooh wee)

Stage goes dark and John Mayer takes the stage standing in a sweaty locker room with guitar. His soothing voice says, "I'm super hip and intelligent. I stand for greater causes. Oh yeah, I'm really deep, you can tell by my lyrics."

He continues:

So we keep waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to age
We keep on waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to age.

Then Celine Dion jumps on stage. She joins hands with all the performers including Al Gore who has now changed into a velour jump suit with the words "ageless" across the butt.

She pounds her chest as the entire stage sings:

Every night in my dreams,
I see me, I feel me
Age can touch us one time, nonage lasts a lifetime
Our age will go on and on.....

Oh. If only. Asiankp can dream, right?

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Got Bibelot?

Today's word of the day is bibelot. See below.

bibelot \BEE-buh-loh\, noun:
A small decorative object without practical utility; a trinket.

Now, my headline inaccurately uses the word bibelot because there is no rhyme there but I like to eschew those kinds of limitations in order to make punny funs. Thats right.

Anyway, this is a really really fun word. All words are fun but this one just kinda gets my goiter. If you can smell what I'm planting or sniff what I'm cooking or catch what I'm throwing...then you'll really know what fun words are. Phrases. Phrases are fun too. A friend of mine has a penchant for peculiar phrases such as "slower than a herd of turtles in a sea of peanut butter" or "your old ladies' cat" or "Buster you old horny slut."

I hate today by the by, vis a vis, I hate work today. No one explains things or explains their actions and it annoys the heckfire out of me. If you arent going to give me things because I'm not doing a good job, say, "Asiankp we are not giving you this because you did a poor job last time and we dont think you are up to par." I will take it personally but then fix it....dont hide it under a bushel. what is that? best practices...whatever.

Oh and BS, Got Bibelot?

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

A Simple Fact

In this line of work, my work, I spend a good amount of time on the telephone. I call reporters and tell them why they should write a story about my client because so-and-so has the coolest new whatever that will revolutionize the world. No, I do not do PR for the Republican Party...haha.

ANYWAY...the thing is reporters get sick of me. They dont like me or anyone else in my profession for that matter. But here's the thing--dont ignore my phone calls or I'll keep calling, just pick it up, tell me to stop bothering you and then I wont call again...for at least a couple weeks. Ignoring a pimple and pretending its not there is way worse than just popping that shiz.

I cant believe I'm comparing myself to a pimple.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Live Earth makes me throw up in my mouth

A hilarious commentary on Al Gore's Live Earth concert series. Puhh-lease. I think my favorite part is Al Gore's cliche comment about the musicians not only taking the stage, but taking a stand. Yes, those musicians are are modern day saints. They are the paradigm of morals, virtue, and charity. I, for one, hope my children grow up to be the Pete Wentz's, Limp Bizkit's, Madonna's of the world.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Planning...WTF?

So, today is 7/7/07. BFD. Although the date represents good luck, good karma, togetherness and all that other new age spiritualistic stuff, the date for me represents another failed planning session on Asiankp's part.
5 months ago, I realized that it was going to be 7/7/7. I made a promise that very day to have a larger than life party on 7/7/7 that started at 7 and lasted until 7 and we would drink only 7 and 7s. It seemed like a great idea at the time. I was this close to sending out an evite for the damn party that was only 5 months away.
But, weeks went by and 5 months turned to 2 months and then 2 weeks and then tomorrow. So here I sit in my favorite coffee shop blogging about the great party that never was. A failed planner I am. My roommate, the best planner of them all, recently moved to NY to save the world. I am languishing without her. So, as I gratefully accept the title of world's worst planner, I will sit here drinking my iced chai latte and eating my everything bagel with veggie cream cheese and dream about the greatest party in the word that I never planned.

Fridays Off

So yesterday, I took Friday off. It was amazing. A friend was in town and we went to another friend's house who lives on the southside and sat by her pool ALL. DAY. LONG. It was glorious. It made me think back to when I was a kid during summertime and you could do whatever it was you wanted. Sometimes my parents had these ridiculous things called chores or a schedule for the summer but there was always downtime to do what we wanted.
Besides swimming in neighbors pools, I enjoyed a bike ride to the local pharmacy to buy candy cigarettes and sit on the curb and "smoke" them and look really, really, really cool. Now, I smoke real cigarettes although i dont know if i've managed to get the cool part right.