And Now for some Fun

The Band Meme

1. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

2. www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

3. www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

My results:

Band Name: Baseball NT
Album Title: It worth the effort
Album Cover:

Inspiration

I'm currently in the process of writing two reviews for a friend and also working on short, non-fiction piece about the summers I spent working 3rd shift at a baseball stadium, driving a zamboni-esque cleaning machine and fighting off horny Mexicans.

The problem is, the time I set aside for writing seems to stunt my creativity and then, while I'm at work all these good ideas come to me so I have to jot them down on an office pad that I used to categorize all my bosses' ridiculous requests. And when I have stirring thoughts that I'm about to write down, the damn phone rings, I answer and forget all about that one perfect sentence.

I'm going to have to start looking for inspiration in random places. Or turn my apartment into an office and have my roommates call me 24/7 from the other room asking me to fill the fax machine with paper or check the weather website for the next 5 hours updating them on the winter storm progress or alphabetize their entire tape demo collection. Yeah.

But things are looking up...LOST starts again tonight and I couldn't be more excited to get frustrated.

There Will Be Blah...

So I just went to see Daniel Day Lewis' movie, There Will Be Blood. Intense, with a capital i. I'm not sure I followed all the themes and I have yet to read Upton Sinclair's novel, Oil, which supposedly served as inspiration for the film. The movie is intense from the start. The first 10 minutes are absolutely silent and it merely shows D.D. Lewis digging, sleeping, digging, grunting, falling, moaning, breathing, crying, smoking, staring and digging again. However boring these mindless activities may seem, watching him do it onscreen is still captivating. The movie makes some interesting points about faith, family and greed. And on the whole, the character of Daniel Plainview is something of a demagogue. He is a man slowly building a portfolio of wealth only to have it consume and ruin him as a human being. It is fascinating to watch his demise.

The ending left me feeling blah. And like I wanted to punch someone. The whole movie borders on this psychotic behavior waiting to bust open and when you are finally released from your seat and from the theater, all you want to do is vent your energy somehow, preferably in the form of violence. But not to worry, all I did was smoke a cigarette much to the chagrin of my fellow movie-going buddy.

Anyway, this movie is not for the faint of heart. It does have moments of humor though and watching Paul Dano as an evangelical preacher after his near mute performance in Little Miss Sunshine is certainly a treat. But the real story is Daniel Day Lewis. I dont know how the man does it but he pours his heart and soul and body into this role so much so that you wonder what the real Daniel is like due to his intense Method acting. Overall, you should check it out. Beware it moves slowly but the slow pace has a purpose since you are witnessing the rise and fall of a singular man over 30 years.

And, to TV Girl, I started writing that post on October Road. I call it, "October Road or henceforth to be known as the Show That Made Me Want to Cut off My Legs (0)." More to come later...

A Bunch of HillBillary

I have no intention of turning this into some sort of political blog and inudate you with my theories or opinions. Thats Fort Knock's job. However, this picture made me giggle uncontrollably for at least five minutes.



Inappropriate, maybe. HI-larious, definitely.

Facing the Stench

There is a deserted lobby on the 2nd floor of my building. The door is never locked and the offices down there seem to be perpetually "under construction." Personally, I think the offices are closed due to a malpractice suit by the cosmetic "doctor" who used to operate down there. I've heard rumors about him and his "magic hands."

Anyway, due to the recent bout of freezing weather, a majority of Chicago's homeless have taken to sleeping in whatever warmth they can possibly muster. With the lack of security and our open door policy, the lobby has come to resemble a St. Vincent DePaul shelter. It has also become a teeming cesspool of unfathomable rankness. Now, I dont want to sound like an aristocratic bitch but in all honesty, the stench is unbearable. So unbearable that my thick down coat collar, my hand, a hat and a glove could do nothing to mitigate the stench. The mixture of piss, rotted food, grease and many other untraceable scents were causing me to literally heave up my stomach and the rest of my innards for that matter. I dont know if it was God punishing me for thinking that these people should bathe, but the elevator decided to take extra long to get there, almost as if it knew what awaited below. As I stood there trying to hold back three weeks worth of meals from spilling out of my mouth, I caught the eye of one of the ladies. She was wearing an old, green sweater with holes the size of saucers. She had on several pairs of tube socks, all different colors and she had wrapped her head in newspaper to serve as makeshift earmuffs. Her 6 teeth were a rotted yellow and her skin was weather worn and red. She smiled at me, an odd smile. It was a combination of "How did I get here wearing newspaper on my head" to "That's right...I smell and I smell bad and you have to sit here and drink it in." She made an indecipherable motion with her hand and then fell over on top of another man. Like when a heavy object falls on a mattress and feathers fly, this women's experience with gravity caused her to release another horrendous strain of the stench. I could also feel myself sinking into their giant pool of pollution. Just as face began to contort into inhuman shapes, my nose starting to burn, the elevator took pity on me and arrived. I practically pried the doors open with my fingernail and breathed in fresh elevator air.

As the doors were closing, I noticed that earmuff woman had woken up. Her 6 yellow teeth smiled at me again as the doors shut and the odorous beast was beaten back by stainless steel doors and my stomach finally returned to its normal position.

Tomorrow, I'm taking the stairs.

A Moment of Retardation

As I was leaving work, I grabbed my headphones out of my bag and stuck them in my ears. Usually the volume on my ipod is super low just because I get paranoid about other people hearing my music AND the fact that its super annoying when you can hear other people's music when they are wearing headphones. Anyway, I dont know if it was my hearing loss or the fact that I'd been awake for 12 hours but it took me the entire walk to the train (about 5 city blocks) to realize that the headphones were plugged into nothing and that my ipod was sitting right where I had left it this morning, in the charger.

Worst of the worst of the worst

So a while back, I made a list of actresses that made me want to throw up in my mouth. Now, I'd like to the same with the men. Since my dear friend TV Girl has dedicated a blog to TV, she has made me think more in depthly (is that word?) regarding actors and the craft in general.

Asiankp's BlackList of No Talent Ass Clowns (list is subject to debate):

1.) Paul Walker-if you look past the beautiful blue eyes and a jaw chiseled by Michelangelo himself, the man cannot act. He just cant. Anyone who disagrees with me on this should watch "Into the Blue."

2.) Josh Hartnett-Again, he has a beautiful jawline but since when did squinting become an acting technique?

3.) Chad Michael Murray-a well placed sigh here and there and a look of pained anguish to convey every emotion. It's like he knows he's awful and he apologizing to the audience already.

4.) Ashton Kutcher-like a kid on a sugar high. A perpetual sugar high. He did the comedy thing (Dude Where's My Car) and then the serious thing (Butterfly Effect) but lets be honest, do you ever see him as anything else but Kelso?

5.) Dane Cook-enough already. I'm sick of you and your tourgasm. You make me want to pluck out my eyes.

6.) Hayden Christensen-Who can forget his anguished Darth Vader screaming, "Padme, nooooo"?

7.) Orlando Bloom-again the squinting...although I do enjoy him in Lord of the Rings but what man in his right mind gets overshadowed by a hobbit? And Viggo Mortensen pretty much eclipsed any other man in that series.

8.) Arnold--please never come back. stay in california.

RIP HEATH

I cant believe this is the third RIP I've written on this blog. I'm not sure why I'm so shocked at his death...I figure a majority of the Hollywood stars dabble in drugs and have issues and demons that I'll never have, except for Dakota Fanning and even she is questionable given her almost unnatural cheeriness and energy. But then again, the guy was so young and was poised to become a memorable actor for our generation. It's different when you hear about the old timers like Jimmy Stewart passing and I wouldnt even be surprised to hear of Jack Nicholson's passing (note: he is NOT dead) but this is different because I feel like I sort of aged with Heath. In a weird way. I mean, I was a fan of 10 Things I Hate About You..that movie came out when I was in high school and it was sort of staple movie to quote. Then there was A Knights Tale and subsequent other fluff pictures. Then there was his edgy, first grown up role as a gay cowboy in Brokeback Mountain and the papers screamed "Teen Star Grows Up and Gets Gay." Well, they didnt say that directly but you know what I mean. So, in a way, I feel like I've grown up with him and watch his career blossom and take off. And now he has passed away.

I'd like to know what your favorite Heath movie is...mine is definitely 10 Things and maybe you never liked the guy at all and thought he was shite actor but still, if you had to pick one, what would be your fav (I'll even include the upcoming Batman which he stars as the Joker, which could be everyone's new favorite.)

Heath Ledger Filmography:
10 Things I Hate About You
Two Hands
The Patriot
Monster's Ball
A Knights Tale
The Four Feathers
The Order
Ned Kelly
Casanova
Brokeback Mountain
The Brothers Grimm
Lords of Dogtown
Candy
I'm Not There
The Dark Knight

Conspiracy Theories

A guy I work with insists that the Iraq war, Bay of Pigs invasion, 9/11, and a score of other historical events were all conspiracies concocted by our government to scare the living shit out of us citizens. In addition, all these conspiracies are a plot to make the rich even richer. And the rich people of the world like the Bush's, Vanderbilt's and Rockefellers are all in on an even eviler plot to take over the world. I'm sure tomorrow he will tell me that global warming is the poor persons way of thwarting the rich people's evil ploy to freeze their assets. (haha...asiankp takes a small delight in her little pun.)

Anyway, I'm not sure I follow and honestly, I didnt think Rockefeller's even existed anymore. I have a vague memory of a Rockefeller being mentioned in the same breath as the Titanic but thats about it. And that was over 97 years ago.

I'm not sure I'm fitting in at work.

However, I downloaded this interesting expose on Scientology. Should be some quality entertainment.

The 4 Things Meme

I'm about to do my first meme. Well, at least a meme that I initiate. My cousin sent me this forward about 4 things and since it was only 4 things, I decided to fill it out and send it back. Easy enough. I thought it would make good blog fodder. So here it is.

4 Things Meme

4 Jobs I've had in my life: 1. Night shift custodial cleaner/heavy machines operator>> 2. Housekeeping for Spa>> 3. Receptionist/Office Manager>> 4. Casting Associate

4 movies I've watched more than once: 1. The Power of One>>2. The Shawshank Redemption>>3. Waiting for Guffman>>4. 7 Brides for 7 Brothers

4 places where I have lived:1. Irving, TX>> 2. Brookfield, WI>> 3 .Chicago, IL>> 4. Rome, Italy

4 TV Shows that I watch: 1. Chuck> > 2. Pushing Daisies> > 3. Without a Trace> > 4. American Idol

4 places I have been:> > 1. Colombia> > 2. Poland> > 3. Greece> > 4. Korea> >

4 things you might not know about me:> > 1. I've been cliff jumping in Switzerland> > 2. I geek out over the new iPhone and Moleskine daily planners.> > 3. I blog.> > 4. I hate answering my phone.

4 places I would rather be right now:> > 1. South America> > 2. Heaven> > 3. In bed> > 4. On a beach

4 things I am looking forward to this year:> > 1. Becca's wedding> > 2. Ellen's wedding> > 3. Susan's wedding> > 4. Not attending weddings for another 3 months after that

So theres the meme. So now I tag Crystal, Fort Knocks, Mags, Phil and TV Girl and Laughing Salmon. I pretty much just tagged everyone I know.

In Honor of the King***

And I mean, Martin Luther King, the "I have a dream" guy, my roommates and I are going to have fried chicken and watch Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Well, at least I'm going to watch the Terminator because a.) there is nothing else on and the damn writers strike is ruining my life and b.) lena headey kicks ass.


***as it turns out, I did not watch the Sarah Connor Chronicles but instead watched a horrible movie called "The Contractor" with Wesley Snipes. There was one part that was good and it contained 2 minor characters and they were both crying and the age difference was about 30 years. Am I making no sense? Thats how I felt after this film.

Heartbroken

My dear Packers have lost. To the Giants. The effin Giants. Favre throws an interception on the second play in overtime and the Giants drive down the field to kick a 47 yard field goal. Mind you, their kicker has missed the last two attempts at 34 yards and 40 yards. In 5 short minutes, our Super Bowl dreams have ended. I am a mix of anger and disappointment and just flat out knocked out. Like someone took the wind out of me. The sad thing is...this was supposed to be Favre's golden ride into the sunset. He was supposed to connect with Driver for another 40+ yard run for a touchdown and the win in OT. We were going to crack the bottle of champagne left over from a brunch and smoke victory cigarettes talking about how this was one of the most exciting games we've watched and how Brett Favre might be the greatest quarterback ever to play the game.

Instead, the room deflated and everyone left in silence. A mournful silence. And now I have to cheer for the Giants.

I just read John Mayers blog where he defends Jessica Simpson

And I dont really know what to think. Part of me applauds the guy for sticking up for his ex and honestly, you really think that Jessica Simpson, of all people, had something to do with the Cowboys loss. Please. The Cowboys are a flashy team with a hot quarterback and no heart. And a T.O. Frankly, I believe they are just a team with no soul.

But then again, it makes me laugh. Jessica must have done a number on John for him to write what he did. Perhaps he'll write a song about it someday. And to be sure, it will bring tears to the eyes of pre-pubescent girls and make me throw up in my mouth.

Bobby Fischer, where is he? I dont know, I dont know...

Unfortunately, Asiankp does know. Mr. Fischer has died. This makes three. Asiankp hates being right about death.

In honor of Mr. Fischer, everyone should check out Searching for Bobby Fischer with Joe Mantegna and Laurence Fishburne.

I'm Always Cold

So, now that I have a 9-5 job, it requires me to wear a somewhat professional wardrobe. Well, me being me, I dont have a ton of professional garb that is a.) comfortable b.) correctly falls into the category of professional and c.) fits. I know there are ways to fix problem c. but in order to do that, one must have proper funds and since I have been "funemployed" for the last 3 months or so, the funds are not there or they are being spent on other necessitites such as rent and electricity.

As a result, I usually end up wearing the same pair of pants twice, maybe even 3 times during the week. I change it up with different tops of course but in the end, I end up just wearing my coat. In an effort to mix up the pants with different tops, I end up wearing tops that I'm not crazy about. To solve this problem and not look like Helen Keller dressed me in the morning, I wear my coat. All. day. My coat is kinda like my security blanket. I wear it all the time. I wear it in church. I wear in the car. I wear it to dinner parties. It really never leaves my body unless I'm sleeping or swimming. Part of it is insecurity but really, I just like wearing my coat.

However, its tough to explain this to co-workers who continually pass my desk asking why I'm wearing my coat. I usually tell them that I'm just cold. This works well in the morning because they assume that I've just come in from the chilly Chicago winter but when 3:00 rolls around and I'm still wearing my coat, I'm sure they are wondering what my problem is. Some of them pass by the desk and grab their shoulders and say, "ooo...brrrr. you must be chilly still." I tell them I'm just cold all the time. Like its a problem I have. Sometimes they agree with me but sometimes, I get a look from the guy in the short sleeves and I feel like he can see right through my coat. And my act. And I know deep down he wants to steal my coat.

RIP Brad

I just heard that Brad Renfro died. RIP. For those of you who dont know who Brad Renfro is, you should check out The Client, Sleepers and if you are in happy, go-lucky mood, try Tom and Huck. And since people die in threes and dear Rosa has died, Asiankp can only wonder who is next?

Baby-Cam and Married Peoples

Tonight I babysat for a family that has a baby monitor with a video screen. It was the weirdest thing ever. It was just like all the other regular baby monitors but it had a video screen attached that was connected to a camera hidden in the baby's room and positioned on the crib so if the baby cries, you can look and see whats going on before you run into the room. Which is weird on several levels.

Also, I have an issue with married people. I'm sure this is going to be taken out of context but I know ALOT of married people. Some of them are great friends of mine and will always be great friends but some of them, upon getting married, become detached in a way and somewhat haughty about their remaining single friends. Do I think they do this out of spite? Absolutely not. I do however feel that there is a sort of mindset that they enter, and rightfully so, they are now part of another, 2 becoming 1, etc. , but I have found that some of them adopt a wholly indifferent mindset towards the singletons of the world. It is a mindset that they, perhaps adopt subconsciously, but it is still annoying and, in certain cases, rude. For example, the couple that I was babysitting for was hosting a couples with children workshop. Upon entering the room, a couple that I know eyed me, took me aside and said, "Asiankp, what in the world are you doing here?" I resisted saying that I got married Vegas and was pregnant and just smiled and said something about being there to babysit. With (and I swear I saw it) a sigh of relief, they said, "Oh that makes sense. We didnt think you were here for the workshop."

Damn right. I was not there for the effin workshop. You see, marriage is great. It is a wonderful and beautiful thing. However, you are not part of some cool club now and there is no reason for you to act better than me just because you are married. I'm not a cynic and I hope to get married someday but somebody shoot me before I act like that. Granted, I know several couples who have not changed one iota since marriage. And they are awesome. And I would like to thank each and every one of those folks for their stellar example.

Sometimes my job makes me feel 5 years old

I mean, the work is definitely not the work of the five year old. For example, today I spent the entire morning, afternoon and late afternoon on the phone setting up auditions. I even got chewed out by a dyslexic man. It was not my fault and for the record, I sympathized with him.

However, when my boss calls me Pumpkin, Sweetie Pie, Hunny Bunny and other "pet names," I often feel as though I'm back in kindergarten and Mrs. Loomis is telling me not to turn the class plants upside down and to finish my math facts so I can outside for recess.

But then again, its kinda funny and endearing. I mean, how often in the workplace do you hear the term Hunny Bunny multiple times and what are the odds that its directed at you?

My Love Affair with YouTube

Yes. YouTube and I have now entered a relationship. Its is consensual and it is pure, pure love. Seriously, I was a big fan of YouTube since it began but now, I'm head over heels in love. Where else can you re-live one of the greatest upsets in college football, or watch a fabulous tribute video to your favorite TV show or even watch horrible movies because you are too cheap to rent them but you still want some eye candy. Nowhere else but YouTube.
I've even begun to contribute to the relationship but due to the nature of the video content, I will not link them here. I feel the general public is not ready for their weirdness.

That's all I have really. I just wanted to share the joy with the rest of you.

Boring Boring Boring

One of my favorite movies contains a scene with a musical number where the characters dress up like small town folk and dance with an alien. They sing a song called "Nothing Ever Happens on Mars." Can you name the movie?

As you can tell from my last 3 posts, I'm now boring. I have some semblance of a normal life back which means go to bed at a decent hour, work a 9 to 5er, home, dinner, maybe a few minutes of the boob tube, bed and then it all starts again. A vicious cycle. No more staying up until 3am watching clips on YouTube. No more movies at night. No more movies during the day. Its like normal life dries up my well of creativity. Not that it was a thriving spring before but I did have a few good days. I'm not sure what this says about me. Can I only thrive in a state of unemployment and find joy in being unproductive and lazy? Am I doomed to become just another non-ghetto, yuppie, pod person?

Why is Missouri Called the "Show-Me" State?

Since Fort Knocks has graciously offered a humorous and enlightening post on the recent campaigns, I thought I would attempt to return the favor and answer a query of his regarding Missouri's questionable state nickname:

There are a number of stories and legends behind Missouri's sobriquet "Show-Me" state. The slogan is not official, but is common throughout the state and is used on Missouri license plates.
The most widely known legend attributes the phrase to Missouri's U.S. Congressman Willard Duncan Vandiver. In a speech there, he declared, "I come from a state that raises corn and cotton and cockleburs. However the slogan originated, it has since passed into a different meaning entirely, and is now used to indicate the stalwart, conservative, noncredulous character of Missourians.

Yes I cut out a majority of the quote because between you and me, it doesnt really matter. Kinda like the campaigns.

A Moment of Dumas

Do you remember that scene in the Shawshank Redemption when Red and his fellow prisoners are sorting through books to put into the newly furnished library? Well, its a great movie so shame on you if you havent seen it. Anyway, Heywood, a fellow prisoner, picks up the Count of Monte Cristo written by Alexandre Dumas and says, "Whose this fellow? This Alexandry Dum-Ass..." Anyway, it always makes me chuckle because a.) It happens to be one of my favorite books and b.) I have definitely heard people with way more education than old Heywood prounounce it the exact same way.

Well, I had a moment of Dumas last night when I burned myself on the eye with my cigarette. Here's the thing, I hadn't had anything to drink, I wasnt driving and there was absolutely no reason in the world that I needed to raise my hand at that moment. It was, purely and simply, a moment of Dumas.


If you look closely right above the iris, you can see a burn shaped like the tip of the finger. Or something like that. Also, please ignore my unplucked eyebrow. Sick.

Hydration is Key

So all of my creative juices and energies are being focused into getting this job I'm currently vying for, so I've decided to turn to other mediums on this blog. For my first test:



I think I'm going to have to fire my cameraman, or in is this case, camera woman.

A good question

So, Mags was recently watching the news and heard an ad for a $25 million bounty from the U.S. for Osama Bin Laden-dead or alive. She then posted this question: What would be easier for a person like me: assassinating Bin Laden or winning the lottery?

I think thats a great question and deserves some real thought. I mean, what are the chances? Seriously. Ponder that.

BUT...this just made me giggle.

Congratualtions! You are 6% ghetto

It looks like you keep yourself out of the ghetto and are living ghetto free. Also, you may be white.

How Ghetto Are You
Create Your Own Quiz

If you are a family member of mine and happened to witness my salad bowl performance of "albino", this should make you chuckle.

It May Be Time for a Life Change

So, Mags has sucked me in again with her little quizzy quiz quizzoids. I think this will be my last one seeing as I'm not sure that attracting yuppies is a good thing. And, I'm pretty sure that its not true because I only seem to attract men over 50 with no necks. Long story but it involves a bodybuilder named Leo, a bar in my neighborhood that I hate and far too much alcohol.

What type of person do you attract? Your Result: You attract Yuppies! You attract the very well-dressed, job oriented type of people. They usually have their finances together, are 'middle of the road' on most topics, generally happy with the 'main-stream' of things. If it is stability you are after, these are good people to attract, if you seek adventure, it may be time for an overhaul.
You attract geeks!
You attract models!
You attract artsy people!
You attract rednecks!
You attract unstable people!
What type of person do you attract? Quizzes for MySpace

Freedom just another word for nothing left to lose...

I had an interview this morning. It went well. I'm going to fill in temporarily until they decide if they want me there full-time. Which means, the rest of the week, I'm on trial and I just have to show them how indispensible and brilliant I am. If anyone has any ideas on how to do that without being a total kiss-ass, please let me know.

The interview lasted about 20 minutes or so. Pretty good considering the last one was only a short 9.4 minutes. It was downtown right off of Michigan Ave and since I never go downtown, I thought I would hang out for a few. I ended up in a Starbucks doing the crossword and staring at all the little girls and flustered moms walking by with their giant American Girl bags. I could only take so much of that so I left and continued to traverse down Michigan toward my El stop. I ran into tons of shoppers eagerly running into the Gap to redeem their gift cards. I saw similar behavior outside the Apple store too. On a sidenote, during the holidays, I had the opportunity to play with the iPhone and let me just say, the thing is REALLY quite cool. I would never have the money to purchase one of these and even if I did, it would go towards food and maybe a new pair of shoes, but gosh darn, they are fun, fun little gadgets.

Anyway, as I was thinking about the new year and how I might have a job for a while, I mourned the fact that now that I was beginning to have some stability and a set schedule, I would no longer have the freedom to travel whenever I wanted. Which stinks because I had some pretty great ideas:

-Road trip with my brother out East to visit relatives and friends
-Cali to visit my cousin and my roommate who may no longer be there now that I've waited so long
-Utah for some kick ass camping/climbing with cousin
-Portland to visit a friend
-NYC because its NYC
-Michigan to visit friends and see friend's new baby
-Visits to the movie theater in the middle of the day to see matinees

Do not ask me why I used a Janis Joplin lyric for the title of this post. It has no relevance whatsoever.