"It's not racist, it's ethnic."

For the past couple weeks, off and on, I've been working at this school. Just helping out, doing administrative randomness for my friend who also happens to be the assistant head of school. It's nice to have friends in high places. Anyway, today she told me that a certain department required extra help as the school is having a huge open house this weekend. Not knowing whats in store and against my better judgment, I agree. Ridiculousness then ensued.

This woman, who shall remain nameless, is disgustingly blunt and caustic. She is one of those people who says really harsh things under the guise of humor but the kind of humor that only people who have known you for 20 years will get. She is also incredibly nosy. But thats another story for another time. Anyway, somehow we get on the topic of ethnic people...can't really remember how it happened because thats how random this woman is. One minute we are discussing how admission standards have decreased and the next minute, we are discussing how her husband and her sons are so "ethnic." Ethnic. I'm thinking maybe she married some Indian or some Middle Easterner, but no, I've seen her son and he's as white as sour cream and as short as a mushroom. I digress. So back to ethnicity. Knowing full well that she is not married to a foreigner, I ask what she means. "Oh you know, my husband and son are SO ethnic. Like my daughter-in-law is Jewish and my sons always call her the Jew...like right to her face. They love to give her a hard time. They say that stuff to her all the time, right to her face and its so funny." Asiankp figures she is joking. She continues, "Like my husband and I love Mexicans...we have even had 2 or 3 of them stay with us like every year and we always go there but my husband will always say, 'I love Mexico but the problem is there are too many damn Mexicans here. And then all the Mexicans will laugh and say, Oh mister b. you is sooo funny.'" Again, silence on my end. But she is not done. "Oh geez and my sons, they are so ethnic too, I mean, my sister in law is Italian and they always say to her face, 'I'd tell you but then I'd have to kill you. Hohoho...you know its so funny." Again, decidedly not funny.

Finally, after silence for a while she says, "Well, my husband will probably get beat up or shot someday with the way he talks, I mean he's just so ethnic he cant help it sometimes. One day, I'm gonna like find him in the alley and say, 'Who did this to you, was it the spics or the mexs'? I mean, he really has it coming. But he's just so ethnic you know. Like for example, my other sister-in-law is Asian and so we always say to her, 'Hey Sandy, who brought the rice? Or Sandy, did you forget the rice? I mean, my family is so crazy. We are just so crazy and ethnic, we love to give people a hard time. But they find it so funny, you know. They do."

Hmm...I understand a little ethnic joke every now and again, but really, dont pretend that your husband is so "ethnic" when he's so not. Maybe me and my Asian mafia will come by your house and chop off his head with our samurai swords. Now, that would be funny.