I am SO incredibly frustrated right now, I dont know what to do. This is probably the entirely wrong medium upon which to vent but I'm not a big YouTuber and I dont believe in Myspace. Facebook would have too many people asking questions so my semi-private blog will have to do.
I am currently unemployed. Funemployment is the term I give it so people do not think that I'm depressed or upset that I'm out of work. Here's the thing. I'm not depressed. But I am upset. But its more than upset with not having a job and it goes beyond the "what will people think of me" feeling. I'm upset that I cant figure out what I'm supposed to do in life. I'm upset that it seems so gosh darn easy for other people to figure out what they want to do in life and then they do it. I'm upset that some people have their dream job fall right into their lap. Maybe its unfair for me to assume that no one else has issues when it comes to finding a purpose and a path in life and I'm sure that everyone goes through their own trials and their own inner turmoil but I'm not writing about them. I suffer from a lack of confidence and I'm not really sure how to get over it. I also cannot understand my lack of motivation at this point. Where's my motivation? I feel like most of my days are spent searching for jobs online and applying but it just so happens that only 2% of people get hired via internet job search. So my chances of being that 2% are pretty damn slim.
Sometimes, I want to just throw it all out the window. Literally, package up all this stress and seal with duct tape and throw it out the window. I would love to watch that thing hit the ground and shatter into 3489239487 billion pieces and then get swept up by some street cleaner taken somewhere to never be seen again.
But, then again, I feel like all this stress is a part of growing and as cliche as it sounds, all this will turn out to be some magnificent experience in the end. All this networking bullshit, as stupid as it sounds, will be the thing that saved my life and my sanity. Currently though, my mood is not this light and I'm grasping for perspective here. And I can't seem to find it.
Also, Spiderman 3 is about the worst movie I've ever seen and it is 2.5 hours of my life wasted that I will never get back.
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Please do not figure out your life. Crystal will kill herself if she's the only one left with no life, no plan and no will left to make a plan. Please...please...I beg of you. Just stay as confused as I am. Or, tell me you have a life, I will end mine and then you can have my job/life...but you'd be better off just ending it too.
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