For some reason, I've been having a insane fear that someone will ask me that question. They will catch me wearing one of those empire waist dresses (that are oh-so-comfortable and my current summer wardrobe of choice) and my belly will slip through and then they will utter those three words. Ridiculous, right?
Now, I'm not pregnant in any way, shape or form, nor do I wish to be pregnant at this juncture of my life. And I'm not fat...but not skinny. Healthy is a word I like to use. Perhaps this fear of the question is only, as my friend TV Girl says " projecting negative body image issues" onto to my perfectly normal sized figure, but still, I'd like to be prepared should someone decide to get nosy. So, I've come up with a few responses to the question.
-"No. But I love what they've done with your face. How long ago was the surgery?"
-"No. Its only a boob job gone completely awry."
-"No. I have the largest tumor known to man and I've got 3 months left to live."
-"Yes. No thanks to your husband."
-"No. I have stomach cancer. Thanks for bring it up. You are a bastard."
-"Ohh my gosh, I am...what the...who the...." (followed by intense wailing and crying and falling down on the ground)
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4 comments:
I definitely like the last one best. Or respond immediately with "are you up to date on all your vaccinations?"
Hahahaha...
Fun game!! Now you just have to provoke someone into asking... try the belly-hand-clasp thing expecting mothers always do in photos or something... subtle, yet suggestive...
apparently you are pregnant.... pregnant with hilarious ideas...
I really hope that if someone asks you this question, and gets one of your fantastic responses, that you are smoking a cigarette and drinking an alcoholic beverage at the time.
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