There is nothing better than waking up late on a Saturday morning and then spending the whole afternoon in your comfy pants with a carton of Thai food and piping hot cup of coffee.
That is, until you decide to go out on a whim and watch Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. Then you are left sitting with an empty carton of Thai food, a cold cup of now gross coffee wondering where the last two hours of your life went.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Thank you Mr....Hitler??
A few weeks ago I worked the polls. Dont remember that election? You know, the one where America fell in love with itself and when we elected the first African-American president that is subsequently splashed all over the news and shoved down our throats. Yes, that election. I dont mean to downplay the significance but it is turning out to be slightly annoying now.
Anyway, I have many memories of said election; some horrible, some hilarious. Needless to say, my favorite, slightly awkward moment was this:
When first arriving at the polling place, you give your name to me and I find it in a big book that lists if you registered to vote. Once I find your name and verify that you are indeed eligible, I'm required to say your name loud and clear for all to hear before passing you to the next station to get your ballot. I'm still not sure why we do this but apparently its the way its always been done. After a while, it gets pretty lame and awkward. Mr. Smith does not know why I insist on saying his name so loudly and then Mr. Stanislawukuwitzch gets annoyed that I dont pronounce his name right. Then comes Mr. *Walter Hitler. Obviously, Walter is not his real name but you get the idea. Our exchange went like this:
Me (without looking up): Hi, name please.
Mr. Hilter: Walter. Hitler. H-i-t-l-e-r.
Me: (head shooting up-I want to see this Mr. Hitler) Okay, Mr...Hitler. Here you are. Walter...Hitler. Please sign here MR. HITLER
Mr. Hitler: (obviously annoyed and probably dealt with this a million times) Thank you.
Me: No, thank you MR. HITLER for coming out and voting. America thanks you.
Mr. Hitler: ........
Me: You can go proceed to the next table Mr. Hitler and recieve your ballot. You are ready to vote.
Umm....can anyone say hilarious? You can only imagine my delight when his wife came in about 2 hours later.
Anyway, I have many memories of said election; some horrible, some hilarious. Needless to say, my favorite, slightly awkward moment was this:
When first arriving at the polling place, you give your name to me and I find it in a big book that lists if you registered to vote. Once I find your name and verify that you are indeed eligible, I'm required to say your name loud and clear for all to hear before passing you to the next station to get your ballot. I'm still not sure why we do this but apparently its the way its always been done. After a while, it gets pretty lame and awkward. Mr. Smith does not know why I insist on saying his name so loudly and then Mr. Stanislawukuwitzch gets annoyed that I dont pronounce his name right. Then comes Mr. *Walter Hitler. Obviously, Walter is not his real name but you get the idea. Our exchange went like this:
Me (without looking up): Hi, name please.
Mr. Hilter: Walter. Hitler. H-i-t-l-e-r.
Me: (head shooting up-I want to see this Mr. Hitler) Okay, Mr...Hitler. Here you are. Walter...Hitler. Please sign here MR. HITLER
Mr. Hitler: (obviously annoyed and probably dealt with this a million times) Thank you.
Me: No, thank you MR. HITLER for coming out and voting. America thanks you.
Mr. Hitler: ........
Me: You can go proceed to the next table Mr. Hitler and recieve your ballot. You are ready to vote.
Umm....can anyone say hilarious? You can only imagine my delight when his wife came in about 2 hours later.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Wish #4
I wish it was okay to be rude sometimes. But its not. Not ever. Kids reading this, dont go to your parents telling them that Asiankp said it was okay to be rude. Because its not.
However, sometimes, I wish it was okay. Yesterday, I worked the polls all day in my precinct in what is now known as one of the most historic days in America. Voting is apparently all the rage these days. So is stupidity. I can't begin to tell you all the rediculousness I put up with yesterday. People refusing to stop their electioneering even while they are behind those makeshift private voting booths. People making all kinds of mistakes on their ballots after 20 plus explanations. People complaining that we didnt give out those snazzy "I Voted" stickers. People complaining how we didnt have electronic ballots. Seriously America, if you only vote to push buttons on a screen and get a shitty 20 cent sticker, then you are a sad, sad citizen and I dont respect you.
I also wish that the city of Chicago would do a better job of weeding out these poll workers. I can't tell you how excrutiating it was to work these other women. "Cindy" was an short lady sporting grey sweat pants, a dirty red t-shirt, and a purple sweatshirt with a box of Marlboro Reds sticking out of the pocket. "Michelle" was elderly lady with impeccable make up but missing some serious brain cells. "Sarah" was an tall, portly lady who boasted of once being in the medical profession but left because she didnt like sick people. When Cindy and Sarah werent at eachothers' throats arguing they were either yelling into their phones at Election Central or commenting on the voters in line. Michelle was utterly useless since you had to talk to her like a 3 year old. "Yes, put that there. NO, there. Yes, slowly. No. NO. Drop the pen. Sign here. On the line. On the line. NO MICHELLE, ON THE LINE." That was my day from 5am-8pm. No wonder the voters in our line complained about us about 5 minutes after the polls opened. We were a disaster. More on election central later...
But back to my wish, sometimes its just easier to be rude...and deal with the consequences later.
However, sometimes, I wish it was okay. Yesterday, I worked the polls all day in my precinct in what is now known as one of the most historic days in America. Voting is apparently all the rage these days. So is stupidity. I can't begin to tell you all the rediculousness I put up with yesterday. People refusing to stop their electioneering even while they are behind those makeshift private voting booths. People making all kinds of mistakes on their ballots after 20 plus explanations. People complaining that we didnt give out those snazzy "I Voted" stickers. People complaining how we didnt have electronic ballots. Seriously America, if you only vote to push buttons on a screen and get a shitty 20 cent sticker, then you are a sad, sad citizen and I dont respect you.
I also wish that the city of Chicago would do a better job of weeding out these poll workers. I can't tell you how excrutiating it was to work these other women. "Cindy" was an short lady sporting grey sweat pants, a dirty red t-shirt, and a purple sweatshirt with a box of Marlboro Reds sticking out of the pocket. "Michelle" was elderly lady with impeccable make up but missing some serious brain cells. "Sarah" was an tall, portly lady who boasted of once being in the medical profession but left because she didnt like sick people. When Cindy and Sarah werent at eachothers' throats arguing they were either yelling into their phones at Election Central or commenting on the voters in line. Michelle was utterly useless since you had to talk to her like a 3 year old. "Yes, put that there. NO, there. Yes, slowly. No. NO. Drop the pen. Sign here. On the line. On the line. NO MICHELLE, ON THE LINE." That was my day from 5am-8pm. No wonder the voters in our line complained about us about 5 minutes after the polls opened. We were a disaster. More on election central later...
But back to my wish, sometimes its just easier to be rude...and deal with the consequences later.
Sidebar: A letter to the world
Dear World (well mostly the American majority),
You now have the candidate you have always wanted. All your whining and moaning and 3rd grade behaviour has paid off. Congratulations to you. Yes, it is historic. Yes, it is monumentous. Yeah for you.
NOW WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT IT ALREADY. He hasnt done anything yet.
Sincerely,
Ms. Liberty
You now have the candidate you have always wanted. All your whining and moaning and 3rd grade behaviour has paid off. Congratulations to you. Yes, it is historic. Yes, it is monumentous. Yeah for you.
NOW WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT IT ALREADY. He hasnt done anything yet.
Sincerely,
Ms. Liberty
Monday, November 03, 2008
Wish #3
I wish my friends lived closer.
Now, dont get me wrong. I have TONS of friends in Chicago. TONS. I'm got so many friends that I dont know what to do with them. Ive got more friends than their are Chins in a chinese phone book.
Okay, so I dont have tons of friends which you obviously deduced from my aforementioned wish.
But I had a fantastically solid group of friends from college, many of whom are now married, having babies or living in foreign countries. They are all special and great and pretty much the coolest people around. And I wished they lived closer. I wish I could go hang out at their houses and play with their adorable children. I wish we could hang out on balconies and smoke cigarettes like the old days. I wish they were around so I could be in a serious conversation without having to defend my morals and beliefs. I wish they were around so they could back me up. I wish they were around so we could commiserate together. I wish they were around so we could laugh together. But they arent. And sometimes you realize that you can still be pretty lonely even when you are living in a city with over 200 million people.
Case in point. A good friend from college left me a message this evening pretending to be "Sandra" from the McCain campaign and reminding me to get out and vote. She even used a fake accent which I easily saw through since all of her accents sound the same. Still, I loved it.
And that is why I wished my friends lived closer.
On a side note, I have to get up in about 5 hours to work this election. Wish me luck. I aint puttin up with any parties crap especially at 6 in the morning.
Now, dont get me wrong. I have TONS of friends in Chicago. TONS. I'm got so many friends that I dont know what to do with them. Ive got more friends than their are Chins in a chinese phone book.
Okay, so I dont have tons of friends which you obviously deduced from my aforementioned wish.
But I had a fantastically solid group of friends from college, many of whom are now married, having babies or living in foreign countries. They are all special and great and pretty much the coolest people around. And I wished they lived closer. I wish I could go hang out at their houses and play with their adorable children. I wish we could hang out on balconies and smoke cigarettes like the old days. I wish they were around so I could be in a serious conversation without having to defend my morals and beliefs. I wish they were around so they could back me up. I wish they were around so we could commiserate together. I wish they were around so we could laugh together. But they arent. And sometimes you realize that you can still be pretty lonely even when you are living in a city with over 200 million people.
Case in point. A good friend from college left me a message this evening pretending to be "Sandra" from the McCain campaign and reminding me to get out and vote. She even used a fake accent which I easily saw through since all of her accents sound the same. Still, I loved it.
And that is why I wished my friends lived closer.
On a side note, I have to get up in about 5 hours to work this election. Wish me luck. I aint puttin up with any parties crap especially at 6 in the morning.
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Wish #2
I wish it was November 4th already. Why? Because people have been wishing it was November 4th since last Christmas. And I want it to be here already so I can stop being bombarded about it. Sure, I'm going to vote. Or not vote. Wait, I'm confused Hollywood, you dont want me to vote? Or wait, you DO want me to vote? I'm confused. Sarcasm? Oh, you are being sarcastic. Glib. Treating me like an idiot, talking to me like a child. I totally get it now. You think the average American citizen is an idiot. Thanks for clearing that up for me. I totally respect you guys now.
But seriously, I wish it was November 4th yesterday. That way, it would be all over and we can get back to the things that really matter like North Korea's impending annihilation of South Korea or, even more important, voting for celebrities on their respective reality TV shows.
By the way, my money was on Cloris Leachman...I'm out $20.
But seriously, I wish it was November 4th yesterday. That way, it would be all over and we can get back to the things that really matter like North Korea's impending annihilation of South Korea or, even more important, voting for celebrities on their respective reality TV shows.
By the way, my money was on Cloris Leachman...I'm out $20.
Saturday, November 01, 2008
November is Wish Month, Not NAMOPOBLOFO
Apparently, in blogger world, the month of November is some celebration termed some big compound word acronym. Is that even possible? Anyway, the gist is that you post something everyday for an entire month. Most of the bloggers I know do that anyway making this a mindless event that people get excited about but really it holds as much significance as Columbus Day.
However inane I find it, I do appreciate the consistency and commitment to doing something every single day besides bathing, grooming, and eating. Lately, I've found myself engaging in wishful thinking and to give these delusions the credence one reserves for delusions, I figured I'd write about them in a forum that caters to folks who wish to do something constructive with their mindless thoughts. (Read: A blog)
#1) Sometimes I wish I had some kind of juvenile delinquent skill.
Let me explain, on several occasions, I or my friends have locked keys in our car. This usually ensues in much cursing, frustration, high-pitched voices, occasional tears and an overall buzz kill for any event. How cool would it be to whip out a hanger or one of those useful tools that people on TV carry around and say, "Dont worry guys, I got this." Then in five minutes flat, you have successfully opened the door, saved the party, and gained throngs of fans. Or, at the very least, saved your friends money. This wish is not limited to lock-picking skills but any other type of minor law-breaking skills. Maybe snatch and grab skills. Or car jacking skills.
I guess I'll just have to be content with my nunchuk skills.
However inane I find it, I do appreciate the consistency and commitment to doing something every single day besides bathing, grooming, and eating. Lately, I've found myself engaging in wishful thinking and to give these delusions the credence one reserves for delusions, I figured I'd write about them in a forum that caters to folks who wish to do something constructive with their mindless thoughts. (Read: A blog)
#1) Sometimes I wish I had some kind of juvenile delinquent skill.
Let me explain, on several occasions, I or my friends have locked keys in our car. This usually ensues in much cursing, frustration, high-pitched voices, occasional tears and an overall buzz kill for any event. How cool would it be to whip out a hanger or one of those useful tools that people on TV carry around and say, "Dont worry guys, I got this." Then in five minutes flat, you have successfully opened the door, saved the party, and gained throngs of fans. Or, at the very least, saved your friends money. This wish is not limited to lock-picking skills but any other type of minor law-breaking skills. Maybe snatch and grab skills. Or car jacking skills.
I guess I'll just have to be content with my nunchuk skills.
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